I am Sean Patton

Hello! Yes this is my website and no, it isn’t what you were expecting is it? Yes I’m well aware of the importance of a website! If you came here just to lecture me well you can go lecture your foot till it jumps up your ass instead! Kidding! Sort of. Anyway, I will be updating and correcting this site very soon. In the meantime, follow me on twitter @mrseanpatton (I’m also aware that looks like Mrs. Ean Patton, so if you think you’re the first to make that observation, congratulations! You aren’t!). If you want to book me, please email TJ Markwalter at tjmarkwalter@gershla.com. For other inquiries, contact Dave Rath at dave@generatela.com. If you need to contact me directly, meseanpatton@gmail.com. I like to take long walks too if you’re into that sort of thing.

You’re right, I am bad at updating my website. You can help! Below are some places where I will be performing live, so you can tell me to my face how bad I am at updating my website! I deserve to be told mano y mano that I suck at websitery! Then you can tell me that “websitery” is not a real word and if it were, i am a dipshit for using such a fucktard of a word! (I won’t even mention that “fucktard” isn’t a real word either, because this is your moment). You can also maybe come an watch the show before our confrontation, then maybe you won’t be too upset.

Catch a Rising Star 5/11 & 5/12
Princeton, New Jersey

Hyena’s Ft. Worth 5/18 & 5/19

Hyena’s Dallas 5/24 -5/26

The Bottling Co. 5/30
Hattiesburg, Mississippi

The New Movement 6/1
New Orleans, Louisiana

The New Parish 6/6
Oakland, California

The Meltdown 6/8
Los Angeles, California

Acme comedy co 6/19 – 6/23
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Cap city comedy club 7/18 – 7/21
Austin, Texas

I am returning to Portland, Oregon this week (4/12 – 4/16) to perform in the 5th annual Bridgetown comedy festival. I know there’s a rumor going around that Portland has been taken over by a group of Guerrilla Conservatives and is on it’s way to becoming the soccer mom capital of the Northwest. That is a lie! Propanga! Started by the Townbridge comedy festival in Portland, Maine. I assure you, Portland, Oregon is just as hippie, dippie, flippie, trippy, and zippy as it’s always been. The only Soccer Moms in that city are a hip hop folktronica quartet and they spell it “Sock…er…momz”. They perform weekly to packed houses, even though no one actually knows where they perform, that’s how indie they are.
If you are in Portland this weekend, so am I, let’s for a pact
www.bridgetowncomedy.com/performer/sean-patton/

March 9th and 10th may just seem like an ordinary Friday and Saturday to most people in the magical city of New Orleans, Alabama. Are you mad?! Good, now I know you’re a true American and not a Russian spy. Continue reading.
This year, on 3/9/12 & 3/10/12, there will be comedy shows of such great caliber that people who attend will no longer be racist. A series of comedy shows that are so funny that the audience of these shows will no longer be racist? Is that even possible?! Yes it is! Don’t believe me? Well then put your money where my mouth is and come to one or all of these shows! You’re gonna laugh so hard that when you leave and see a person of a different skin color, you won’t have have even the slightest inkling of bigotry in your blood, and you’ll realize that you were never even racist to begin with.
“That Sean Patton! He tricked me again! But it was a trick worth falling for!” you’ll scream, and everyone around you will agree. They’ll say “that show was indeed so funny that I too am no longer a racist even though I was also not a racist to begin with”. That’s right folks, you will laugh so hard that you will be reminded of your own open mindedness and rejoice in your progressive ways and peaceful demeanors! Then everyone can go and “screw in a dumpster”, which is Cajun for “perform oral sex in a truck bed”.
However, if after you leave one of these shows you discover that you are a racist, you can take comfort in that fact that you’re a piece of shit. Tooteloo!

Here’s the link to the wonder: https://foburgcomedy.eventbrite.com

(I am writing this at 32,000 feet).
I am heading to Portland, Oregon right now. Actually, I am headed to Dallas, TX first so I can hang out in the airport there for an hour, then I’ll be on my way to Porty land! Why the layover in Dallas? Well, even though for an extra $100 I could’ve flown directly to Portland, it was only a 5 hour flight. That just wasn’t enough airtime for me! This way, I get 8 hours of airtime and a free layover! Perfection sometimes lands in your lap. Ha! “Lands”!
See, I’m going to perform in Portland, and I made a choice to write a new 45 minute set ON THE WAY THERE! That’s what I’m doing too. I figure so many great jokes have been written about flying, so why not write some great jokes whilst flying?! The 1st leg is 4 hours, so I got my pens and papers and I’m getting to it so I can just do it like my name was Nike.
Once in Dallas, I’ll go to my gate and once there’s a full crowd sitting down waiting to board, that’s when I’ll launch into the new 45. Sure, it’ll be strange (for them) at first, but they’ll adjust! I’m a pro! I’ll probably use some tried and true opening bits just to get their attention, and whonce I get it, that’s when the new stuff will take off! Ha! “take off”!
The 2nd leg of the trip is another 4 hours. That’s when I’ll let the critic in me (hey, we all got one it’s nothing to be ashamed of!) tear through the new stuff so the artist in me (not everyone has one, so if you do be proud of it!) can tighten and fix and tweak and sharpen like my name was Shannon Sharpe (Superbowl winning Tight End).
Then I’ll be in Port au Portland, where I’ll be the prince! Maybe I’ll meet a nice princess there and if I do, I’ll say “sorry, but I’m already married. To comedy!”. She’ll understand. See you there!

This is the new, updated, current event, just published, hot off the presses, cutting edge, groundbreaking version of my website. Yes, it is the same site as before, only now I care about it and will update it like a parole officer. Does that make sense?

It’s all I do.

Just added some more.

NOLA & Texas!

Check it

Well, it’s the only show I’ve added under my “shows.” But it’s there!

I’m recording my comedy album at the Laughing Skull Lounge in ATL this month!

Check the post over to the right for more details!